I get a lot of questions from male readers asking me if I like "nice guys". My response is that I only like nice guys. I don't deal with jerks and assholes. My friends with benefits are nice guys. I don't know if that comes across when I'm writing about our sexual encounters, but I hope it does.
The reason I bring this up is that Brandon introduced me to guy he thought I might want to be fwb with. We hung out and went to the movies and had fun. We went to dinner another night and had a pretty good conversation. We briefly talked about the possibility of being friends with benefits and he was very much up for it. We went to a different restaurant the next time and while I enjoyed our conversation, I noticed that he was pretty rude to our waiter. He seemed to talk down to him and when the waiter came to ask us how our food was, he just ignored him. I noticed the time before that he wasn't very nice to our server, but I knew he was having a bad day, so I didn't think much of it.
As I talked to him more, I started to see that he wasn't the nice guy I thought he was. A couple of the things he told me was that he thought some women asked to be raped because of the way they acted and that it's okay to call a girl a bitch/slut/whore, if she does something to deserve it. I talked to Brandon and told him that I didn't want to be fwb with his friend. In fact, I didn't even want to be a platonic friend with him. Brandon was surprised. He said that this guy was very well liked at work.
I know there might be some people who read this post and think I overreacted or think that this guy isn't so bad. That's the thing with the "nice guy" label. It's very subjective. I think this guy is a jerk, but another girl might think he's a nice guy. But for me, there's no way this guy is getting added to my fwb rotation. Yes, he's gorgeous and I would have loved to have gotten him naked in my bedroom. But his jerkiness turned me off.
To all the truly nice guys out there, keep being you. Don't aspire to be a jerk or asshole because you perceive those guys to get all the girls. I can tell you that I have many nice guy friends who are married or have girlfriends. I also have male friends who chose to experiment with being a jerk and came out of it with no dates and definitely no girlfriend. If you're a nice guy and are single or have been hurt in the past. Don't fret. Wait for a "nice girl" who will appreciate you. Just think of it this way, if we were to run into each other, you'd only have a chance with me if you were a nice guy. :)
(DON'T FORGET, I will be doing a FAQ post within the next couple of weeks. If you'd like to submit a question, send me an email: aghwb@yahoo.com with the subject line: FAQ. If you are a fellow blogger and would like me to link your question to your blog, please be sure to leave me your full blog url. If you submit a question and would like to remain anonymous, you can do that too. So if there's a question you're been dying to ask me, now is your chance to get the answer!)
That has always been a good way to determine what a guy is like. Sure he is trying to impress you, be nice to you, get close to you, there is something in it for him.
ReplyDeleteBur watch the way they treat service people and their true colors will show soon enough. Glad you noticed.
Aww love this! I love your perspectives Myli!
ReplyDeleteBeing rude to a waiter or valet or sales-person shows that you are a jerk and you are right to avoid guys like this, but, and I speak from years of experience, no chick wants to fuck a puppy dog either.
ReplyDeleteMen are trained through frequent social beatings and put downs to be "nice", or as I say, a doormat by the women in their lives (moms, sisters, sexual harrasment trainers), yet those same women want men who are "strong and masculine and know what they want." It's a total double standard.
"Nice guys" may not finish last, but they sure aren't at the head of the line either.
Nice post. I completely agree w/you, but sometimes it doesn't seem like being nice pays off, but it's better than the alternative.
ReplyDeleteI'd agree that this guy was a jerk. Back in high school I was busser for two years, so I try to be as polite as I can to servers and the like.
ReplyDeleteHis comment about some girls asking to be raped sends up a red flag, no girl, slutty or not, wants to be raped. I'd say you made a good choice in dropping him fast.
As far as being a nice guy, you need to learn how to balance it out. There are some jerks out there, both male and female, who will walk all over you even if you're nice to them. So be nice to everyone, and filter the jerks out of your life as best you can. :)
David - I'm glad I noticed too. His true colors did come out and he's not someone I wanted to be associated with.
ReplyDeleteElle - Thank you, Elle. The feeling is mutual :)
Advizor - I think everyone is different. I like nice guys. I suppose not all girls do.
Al - I guess for me, I have friends who are nice guys and they definitely didn't finish last. My one friend married a model! I like seeing nice guys end up with awesome girls!
O Galleghure - I agree. I'm nice to everyone, until they give me a reason not to be. I don't know why some people think it's ok to mistreat a waiter or cashier. I respect people who take low paying jobs rather than sitting at home and collecting welfare.